Keeper of Stay Hairs

I know it’s a very sexist attitude, but I am just being practical, which is my specialty. I’m a seasoned veteran of the whole marriage thing and I’ve had a lot of time to observe certain phenomenon. Middle aged men don’t just groom themselves you know. Just like the laundry doesn’t fold itself. When I see a man out in public in a state of disarray I automatically think, “does his wife know he’s out of the house looking like that”?

I’m not sure if there is a magic age where a man’s sensibility about what’s appropriate in terms of dress and personal grooming becomes fuddled or if it’s simply the challenge of keeping up with ever changing needs that arise naturally due to aging. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule. My best friend’s husband always puts forth a very GQ appearance and this is despite the fact that he’s a true sports fanatic. Then there’s my neighbor Tom who mows his lawn weekly sporting pressed faded blue jeans and a crisp button down Ralph Lauren shirt (usually striped). I don’t think I’ll ever have to concern myself that Tom will come outside with a stray nose hair. Or perhaps you’ve met the kind of older man (who’s maybe old enough to be your father) who greets you enthusiastically at social events. The problem is when you try to have a nice neighborly conversation with him he can’t seem to keep his eyes from wandering from your face to the chest area. Only I’m usually too distracted by the renegade eyebrow hair and bushy undergrowth bursting forth out of his nose to be offended that he won’t keep his eyes off my breasts.

For years I’ve observed an older gentleman who ushers at our church usually wearing a dark suit and tie. So it’s all that much more hysterical that his bushy eyebrows precede him down the aisle a few seconds before the rest of his body. I often entertain myself by thinking of analogies for his eyebrows, like they remind me of banana peppers or built in sun shades or that those eyebrows would balance out Mic Jaggers’s lips. His ears? Absolute forest growing in there. So, the question is, where is his wife? I know he has one, quite a tidy mature matronly woman, but her eyesight seems fine to me.

I’ve heard many a man complain that as soon as they start losing the hair on their heads it’s starts sprouting elsewhere on their bodies in the most unlikely places. Luckily, my man (who is pretty fanatical about hygiene on his own) has me and a few daughters around to look after him. The eyebrow dilemma is an easy fix. Remind your man that when he goes in for his regular haircut to make sure his hairdresser/barber trims his eyebrows. When any of us have an occasion to be peeking over Roberto’s shoulder and some unruly run away hairs are noted we simply go grab the tweezers and remedy the situation before it gets out of hand. It’s funny that I remember untying my father’s boots for him after a long day at work out trimming trees to keep the electrical lines clear. My daughters? Give them a pair of tweezers and they’ll attack their dad leaving no hair untrimmed.

Comments

[jbm]

preceds him down the aisle---you're wit Ms. Mayor---never ceases to amaze and entertain me!

[The Mother]

I must be lucky; my husband doesn't clean up after himself, but he does groom himself. I think it's because my mother-in-law is a neat freak, who cleaned up after him when he was young.

If that's the case, then I am raising some PERFECT men, because I don't. Ever. So they'll learn to be neat on their own, right?

Right?

[The Mayor]

Dear Mother: I think that may be an urban myth, but it is the honorable thing to do.
My daughters keep their person fashionably groomed but their environments very messy.

[Your Neice]

I'm starting to think that my EX's boyfriend inability to ever contain his eyebrow and nose hair was a sign that i wasn't supposed to be with him. We Naults need men who can take care of themselves in every sense.

[melissa]

*snort*
my husband has an uncle who...HAS NO CLUE about grooming. when i tell you that you can braid the hairs from his nose and ears...i'm NOT kidding!!
so...
i'm visiting my michigan blogging sistahs!!!
cuz, i'm from the great state of constant changing weather...
hi there!