You Can't Google Reality
Saturday, January 8, 2011 at 01:15AM 
I thought I would be spending so much more time in the great outdoors when we moved here to Austin. I considered myself prepared. I had Googled, Facebooked &Tweeted with fervor to find out what all the Austin hype was about.
I spent more hours on City-Data than I did studying my last year in college. With my MacBook Pro at hand there wasn’t much I hadn’t “virtually” explored about the area. Google maps helped me to understand where things are located in relation to the airport and the city. I armed myself with information on school systems, commutes and the best BBQ joints.
It really goes to show you, that you can have a lot of head knowledge about a subject, but the “doing of it” is a whole different enchilada. You can spend an enormous amount of intellect and time preparing for something only to find there are always aspects that didn’t come into consideration.
We had been warned about how hot it gets. I thought, maybe so but in Michigan we endure freezing temperatures for 5 months, resulting in cabin fever. We arrived in Austin on July 28th and attacked assimilating to our new home with gusto. Donning our sunscreen, we explored the streets of our new neighborhood in the heat. Where is everyone?
Day after day of 100 degree weather. We dug our swim suits out of our suitcases and headed to the community pools. Surely that is where all of our neighbors must be hanging out since they are not in their yards. To our surprise we found we pretty much had them all to ourselves.
We gave up and hibernated in front of the TV watching every HBO and Showtime series known to man. Totally caught up on Weeds, United States of Tara, Dexter and Big Love, the girls were actually anxious for school to start, just so they could converse with another teenager. Because we sure didn’t see any at the pools, or on the streets.
We began to wonder, were our neighbors zombies, waiting for us to wander about with our guards down?
School started. Finally, we met our perfectly nice neighbors and accepted an invitation to the fall kick off neighborhood potluck. I sweated, fretted and cooked for the party. We dragged it all down to the end of the cul-de-sac to meet people. I inquired, "so where was everyone the past few weeks"? Turns out that they were either vacationing or hibernating in their homes because even for Texans, it was just too hot to come outside.
Two-A-Days
The only exception to that rule is if you are a teenage boy. Then it is the time of year you sweat every ounce of your heart out giving your all to the twice a day football practices to which every Texas baby boy is committed to at birth.
Loads of laundry accumulate at a frightening rate when you have 5 people sweating. Weeks pass by and it’s fall, one of my favorite seasons. Unfortunately it’s still 75 degrees every morning when I wake up.
And for 30 days straight I have an allergy headache. I swallow Motrin, Allegra and Sudafed along with my daily vitamin just to make it manageable. I stop at the pharmacy to reload my arsenal. The clerk types in my driver’s license and ever so politely declines my request for more decongestant.
No relief to be had
“I must not have heard you right”, I say. No, I heard her just fine. In Texas they track your purchases of potential ingredients for Crystal Meth and limit said purchases to once a month. No exception for allergy sufferers. Plan B it is, in light of the pain in my head, I send my 18 year old child with her fresh new driver's license number to the store to score for me. Shameless.
It’s Halloween and there is another potluck on the cul-de-sac. I wear my kitty ears headband in the 85 degree heat where my cute painted on cat whiskers quickly make my face look more Heath Ledger as the Joker. After decades of having to cover up our costumes with winter coats to go trick or treating, it’s actually too hot to even have a costume on.
By November I have enjoyed exploring Austin. There are so many fascinating people and places. I can’t say I’ve grown accustomed to multiple underwear changes each day, but I’m coping. I still have a headache. I try to get some holiday mojo going as Thanksgiving approaches.
Now I realize why there is a spike in insurance claims for home fires due to deep frying turkeys in your yard in Texas. It’s because it’s too damn hot to have your ovens on all day for holiday cooking. There have been a few days where I’ve actually not sweated...but in general I’m left wondering, is this never going to stop?
December dawned and it started getting down into the 50’s at night. Hallelujah. Thank you Jesus. The grass stopped growing, a handful of trees changed colors, some leaves dropped. I can finally exclaim, “it’s beautiful”. I’ve worn long sleeves a couple times. I’ve laughed my ass off shopping at J Crew.“Seriously”, I said, “ and when does one wear this $380 leather jacket in Austin”?
It dawned on me that it was time to pull out my exercise clothes and get outside. Last June I paid my last $15 monthly charge at Planet Fitness, thinking I could eliminate that cost from my budget in Texas, since it was warm enough to go outside all year round! A deciding factor in our move was how much more active we would all be in a warmer climate.
Hike up Mt Bonnell
Christmas comes even though my psyche is having a hard time accepting that it’s that time of the year without snow, ice or even wearing my Patagonia once. Outside we go to hike up the steps of Mt Bonnell where we can gaze at the city of Austin to the east and hill country to the west.
View from Mt. Bonnell
I reach the top of the hill, out of breath and coughing. Wow, I am getting to be a lame old hag if I can’t sashay up this hill without an oxygen tank. That night on the news they make the big announcement. It has arrived, Cedar Fever.
It is the New Year and my headache is gone. Only to be replaced by an annoying ticklish cough along with a stuffy head and very itchy eyes. I look in the mirror each morning and gasp, remember my grandmothers red rimmed eyes at the height of Spring in North Carolina. Her demon eyes used to scare me something awful, and now I have them.
Which is why I’m sitting on the exam table at the doctor’s office, wondering if I will ever be able to appreciate the great outdoors here. The doctor’s not much of an optimist. Because I’m already on allergy medicine she recommends a nose spray and avoiding nature all together until the pollen counts come down...months from now! Right around the same time that it starts to heat up around here and the rest of the trees I’m allergic to begin to leaf out.
On the way home from the doctor’s I stop by to activate my gym membership which I had the foresight to buy on a Groupon last month. Looks like the only place I’ll be burning off some calories is inside, on the eliptical machine at the gym.
Just like I would be doing in Michigan. Only I'm in Allergy Hades where I will be perpetually sweating to the oldies. Seems all my research did not reveal I had moved to the allergy capitol of the USA.
Austin, Google, Reality Bites, allergies
Reader Comments (6)
Actually, Houston is the allergy capital of America. Austin ranks a distant third. And no one ever said you could go outside year round--six months of the year you need waterproof mascara in order to get the mail. Then there are a few weeks in December/January when it's too cold to go out.
Beth and Randy were just down there to visit Merry Beth and her husband in Grapevine. Beth was told at the pharmacy where she went to get allergy relief that Texas is the worst state for allergy sufferers.
So sorry!!! However it does make for a great blog entry. You are hysterical, allergies and all!!! Love you and miss you!!!
Well it definitely has been cold here in Michigan. However, you can dress appropriately for cold weather. We even have special under garments called "cuddl duds" to keep us cozy!
Very true. You can never know what something is really like without personal experience. And you certainly can't tell what living somewhere will be like even if you've visited the place before. It's just different. But thank god that even in these super technological times, there are some things that just cannot be replaced by internet info.
Back in MI, I am home sick, watching the snow come down, wondering how long it will be before I can dig my car out. One minute I am freezing and the next I wonder how many sweatshirts and blankets it will take to get warm. I check the thermostat to make sure it is still 70 degrees inside. I think of visiting you at Christmas and wonder if it is still 70 degrees OUTSIDE. It looks like regardless of the weather, we are both coping and finding humor in the situation. But to find that you cannot count on Home Goods is like finding that Starbucks has no coffee in stock. (I could tell I was really sick because I did not go out to get my coffee beans for 2 days!) Anyway, Mayor, give Home Goods a call and tell them you can fix it!!
Yes, you have. My husband is so glad to be in DC right now. He suffered horribly this year. He'll be regretting come cherry blossom time. He forgets about that.