Say Goodbye To The Long Goodbye
Saturday, February 26, 2011 at 01:38AM 
I like sending my husband off to get in front of the customers and get those deals done. Unfortunately, that means lots of airport time for all of us.
That also means way too much exposure to the rude and nasty crew of florescent vested security folk who are supposed to facilitate traffic near the airport entrances and to make sure no one abandons a bomb packing car . I understand their job is to keep trouble out of the airports and to keep traffic flowing when it’s heavy.
On this particular trip I rode to the airport in silence as my husband negotiated details on his iPhone. He likes me to drive him to the airport so we can “spend time together”. More often than not that equates to a very boring ride in silence on my end as I talk to myself in my head while Mr.50 Q gathers data from his team for all his dealings.
Then there’s the anxiety, which is usually heightened on the pick up end of an airport run. In Austin there’s no cell phone lot so that raises the stress level, trying to get all the timing right. I hate being yelled at by the security people when I’m just trying to locate the traveler I’m attempting to pick up.
I figured it would be smooth sailing on this particular jaunt since I was doing a drop off. Arriving at the airport we had finally had the chance to discuss some the pressing issues. There was minimal traffic at that time of the morning, no back ups what so ever. I pulled way up to the far end of the departure level. We were laughing over something that only parents of teenagers could find funny when I was jarred back to reality by the pounding on the top of my car.
“Holy mother are we being car jacked right here in broad daylight”? (you can take the girl out of Detroit but you can’t take Detroit out of the girl).That was my first short lived thought until the tall guy with a florescent vest leaned down in a snarling kind of way. Oh, it's you. Tough guys. Same crew that usually hounds us on the arrival level.
Security Guy: You need to move this car out of here.
Roberto: (Still chuckling about something witty I had said) "I was just finishing up my conversation with my lovely wife, isn’t she beautiful?" (Roberto knows he’d better be damn complimentary to me if he wants continued taxi service).
Security Guy: (Totally ignoring the reference to my beauty) "I said you need to MOVE IT".
Roberto & I look at each other, rolling eyes and talking under our breath, man that guy is a jerk, down right rude.
Security Guy continues making the “get it rolling sign” with his hand. Mind you there are no cars behind me whatsoever.
The Mayor: I roll down my window and hold up 1 finger, "He’s leaving, I just need to get him the ATM card" .
Security Guy: (now very red faced) "You can take care of all that business in the parking garage, the first 30 minutes is free. Talk all you want there, now move it or I’ll have to cite you".
Roberto: Tensely mumbles, “OK buddy”. I can tell he’s getting ready to blow.
Security Guy steps away to answer something on his walkie talkie....meanwhile we are still the only car up there.
The Mayor: "Simmer down now, you’ve got to go bring home some bacon and I’m fresh out of bail money".
Roberto: "I can’t believe how rude he was to you".
The Mayor: "Shake it off, big week, get going big guy"
I get out of the car, give him his jacket and a big kiss....off you go. He makes it into the airport without further incident.
By this point I’m pretty wound up and I take my time rearranging my empty grocery bags in the trunk. I saunter around to the drivers side giving Security Guy the stink eye as he vigorously gives me the get it rolling hand motion.
I get myself situated, put my set belt on , adjust my seat. At this point I’m really trying to just trying to mess with Mr.Big Ego. Oh, lipstick, I need a bit of gloss as I’m watching him through my rear view mirror as he turns to huff his way back to my car. He gets within about half a car length of me and I decide now.is.the.time.to. take.off.
NASCAR would have been proud.
The ironic thing is I value being efficient. I don’t dilly dally when people are lined up behind me. I don’t use coupons nor argue over what the advertised sales price is supposed to be. I wait my turn as patiently as possible.
I’m not sure what they expect the traveling public to do at the airport. Maybe they expect us to put the car in neutral as the passenger does a tuck and roll out onto the pavement? That kind of maneuver was fun when I was a teenager trying to jump out of my girlfriends old VW Beetle. Now, not so much.
During my recent travels I had noted that all my interaction with the TSA at the various airports this year have been pretty positive. I’m thinking there must have been some mandatory in-service on how to be more customer friendly with the flying public. I witnessed a few occasions of TSA employees being extremely helpful with fellow travelers.
When they found an old water bottle at the bottom of my daughter’s school back pack (WOOPS) they just threw it out without making her feel like a criminal. The check points were as smooth and efficient as on could hope.
The parking lot security folk are another story. I can imagine the Craig’s list ad for this job:
Looking for the crankiest, most power hungry, bossy, rude box checking monkeys to keep traffic moving through airport lanes. Must crave the smell of jet fuel and be able to rock a florescent vest.
We may have to buy another car so my husband can deal with the airport fun on his own. Mama don’t want to end up in jail. Any chance for romance at the airport...forget about it.
Reader Comments (11)
oh Lord you and i are two peas in a pod. I would've done exactly what you did and I'm also like you in that normally, I try very hard to make life easy for other drivers, etc but the rebel in me always comes out around douchebags like that
Enjoyed article....that hectic pace makes me edgy just reading about it. So now I know a little more about Rob. He was a nice chap back when I knew him. Tell him I said hi. The difficulty about security personnel ...they (we) are getting it from both sides. The bosses are very demanding on policies...no wiggle room type stuff. The moment security personnel start making exceptions...it is a slippery slope....exactly what those who want to do harm are hoping for. It is also a class warfare issue too if you think about it.
Jessica you are so accurate, that guy was a douchebag.
David- I am a respecter of all people trying to do their job and am not demanding special treatment, just a little common sense and humor goes a long way in making everyone you meet during your workday's world a little better. If the TSA can approach their duties with a little more grace...anybody can.
We are friends, like sisters and apparently very naughty (you would think our husbands would be happy! ;-)
The only time I have EVER been told I would be thrown in jail was at Metro by a lovely Wayne County female police officer. I actually had half of the luggage in the car picking the kids and Tom's eighty-plus year old mom up. I explained this, said officer saw the luggage in the back yet she expected me to drive around - takes at least five minutes or more - and then come back and pick them up. I was literally told to "immediately move my car or it would be towed and I would be hauled to jail".
Fortunately the family appeared with the rest of the luggage before said officer could do either. However, a ticket did appear as everyone was getting into the car.
A very nice man, an MD, handed me his card said "This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I will come to court for you."
This was YEARS BEFORE SEPTEMBER 11. Of course, we paid the ticket. No one had time to go and that nice doctor needed to see patients.
Your tuck and roll idea is good for the "DROP OFF AREA" then perhaps the person to be picked up could have a magnet that would instantly attach them to the outside of your car as you drive by the "PICK UP AREA". The airport would then need a "PUT PICKED UP PEOPLE AND LUGGAGE IN YOUR CAR HERE" area.
Roberto is right. You are beautiful. xo
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That job description could go for the traffic cop at my kids' high school, too. Rude snot.
I long for a cell phone lot at Austin airport. But the half hour free is pretty nice.
We were there a couple years ago on Christmas eve to pick up the Marine and his wife. Our youngest was in a Santa suit, entertaining the people at the airport. Of course, there had to be one security guy that gave us the third degree on why were were there so early for the flight and what was with the Santa suit.
Apparently he's still there.
I guess they're rude like that everywhere. They certainly are here. I had a very similiar circumstance. Geez, people, use some common sense.
I have been to the Rapid City, SD airport, the Austin,TX airport, Denver, Pierre,SD airport, DFW, Las Vegas International, Ft. Lauderdale, LA, Albuquerque and never had this problem. I haven't flown into Austin in a couple years, but it was after Spt 11 that I flew. Now my issue with flying is having to go through a full body, backscatter xray machine, which i will refuse to do if it ever comes down to it.
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