The Tale Of Two Bad Dogs
Friday, May 6, 2011 at 10:03PM I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I’m loco. After enduring some “spring” in Austin with temperatures in the mid 90’s, I was so excited when the “cold front” blew into Texas with clouds, wild winds and a 40 degree drop. Hallelujah.
I put a big fat sweater on, turned the AC off and went about my business trying to keep my day on track. The dogs were outside chasing what ever the wind blew into the yard occasionally barking at the strange weather happenings.
Do not let this face fool you.
Chi Chi Rodriguez, our resident drag queen bunny, was doing laps around the kitchen. My Dad called from North Carolina for our weekly Monday morning quarter backing of the weekends NASCAR race. Realizing it had gotten strangely quiet in my yard and I got this sinking feeling in my stomach. "Dad, I got to go"! I ran out on the porch and my empty yard confirmed my suspicions. The wooden gate had unlatched and blown open in the high winds and I had 2 dogs MIA.
Protect & serve
I regret to tell you that some very loud cursing interspersed with quick prayers were uttered as I yanked on my jeans and shoes. Flip flops would have been quicker but I was pretty sure there would be running involved in this search and rescue operation.
General pissieness fueled me as I had been strongly suggesting our gate be reinforced after the last adventure of Bonnie & Clyde. I had just been through this circus act in March and it was exhausting. Damn dogs. I don't even like them that much. I wasn’t that worried about the dogs being “lost”. I was worried about liability.
Does this look like a lock?
Scarlett appears to be the one with wanderlust. Before she joined our gang, Cole rarely stepped out of our yard. On the two escape escapades they've had, he just runs along behind her, never leaving her side. Our big black bastard is a 130 pounds of Bouvier muscle. He has a definite opinion about people and can be very intimidating. He has never bit anyone, and he likes other dogs, but he has literally scared the S#*! out of a few humans.
Like the time he was maced by the gas meter guy poking around our yard.
Or the time he pinned one of my teenage daughter’s friends against the wall in our home. I was horrified, until the next day when we discovered she had stolen several items from my daughter’s room. He knew she was up to no good.
Gah.
I took off in my car scanning all their favorite walking spots. My first 15 minute search proved fruitless. Returning home I put out an “lost pet” alert on our neighborhood website. I ran a few fields talking to every person I came across. No one had seen them. The mail lady agreed to call me if she saw them, "dogs always seem to find me".
Before I knew it 2 hours had gone by. I considered picking up my daughter from high school to help me look. No doggie sightings showed up on my computer. The only other time they successfully escaped I had received an email from someone I had never met. It said,“ Around 10 a.m. I spotted a huge black dog with a small sidekick being coaxed into a white Lexus, license plate XXX at the corner of ....”, kind of like a doggy amber alert.
My compulsion to clean when stressed prompted me to sweep up the glass I had broken in my garage as I pondered what to do next. 2 large SUVs stopped in front of my driveway and a big haired blond lady stuck her head out of the window. “ Do you have 2 dogs missing?” I nodded. She pointed to the other vehicle, a white Cadillac Escalade, “my neighbor has them”.
I looked over and saw Scarlett with her head peering out the window. A tall voluptuous woman with a thick accent got out chattering away. She reminded me of a dressed down version of Gloria on the show Modern Family.
Gloria: Zees dogs are sooo adorable the way zay stick together. Zay come to my house and zay knock on my door to come in. I live back in zee area over there (pointing to a gated neighborhood next to mine).
(I can't write accents any better than I can speak them).
Me: “THANK YOU SO MUCH” while I’m thinking thank God my dog did not try to eat you.
She opened the door and Scarlett leaped over smearing mud down my jacket. Meanwhile that rat bastard Cole was happily spread out over the full length of light colored leather seat with a stupid grin on his face. He was as happy as a Hollywood actor crashing in Hugh Hefner’s guest house.
And he didn’t want to get out. But I made him because I am mean like that.
Meanwhile Gloria bends down to hug his neck. “This one is such a big teddy bear. I jus love heem”. My eyes go wide and I gasp...he doesn’t always like that kind of attention from strangers.
Apparently he likes it from Gloria just fine.
Two bad tired dogs napping
I've given it some thought, Gloria could potentially be a adoptive parent. Maybe she could take a middle school girl and Cole. That would really lighten my load. Especially now that I have to work on securing the gate because I refuse to chase these beasts one more time.
reinforced latch & 2 security hooks
Which, from the looks of this pow wow, I'm going to need.
Dogs
Reader Comments (9)
Damn, woman! It's like having two more toddlers!
Damn, Cole is big. It 's like having a horse toddler. I'm afraid it's something Scarlett and I talked about, this running away business that it started when I was there.
Have you thought about having GPS chips put in Cole and Scarlett.....it might cost a little money up front, but could save you a lot of aggravation. In fact, you could see if they will give you a group discount if you get Hailey, Sydney and Dylan tagged as well.
I had to laugh, because I have bad dogs and had bad children and can totally relate.
Glad they came home safely.
i'm glad gloria found them! (i have a girl crush on that actress btw). a couple of years ago our two dogs escaped like that and were gone for two weeks! we scoured local neighborhoods, put up signs etc. we'd get calls all the time how they were seen together, etc. we drove through every neighborhood for hours. finally right before thanksgiving they showed up--hungry, full of ticks and smelly. the hubs has since turned our yard into fort knox : )
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