Throw Baby From The Train

For the last week or so I’ve pleaded with the Prince to come home on the train to help me with my garage storage project. I won’t bore you with the details of that but I miss my work buddy since he moved to Chicago. We have always been able to work companionably finding humor and fun even while slaving away on the most frustrating projects. A few days ago he let me know he had a window of time available and he was going to jump on the 6 p.m. Amtrak and lend me his muscle and brawn for a couple days.

Keep in mind that the Prince gets bored very easily (wonder where he got that from?) The boy knows how to pack for the train ride. Computer...check, sandwich...check, water bottles...check, snacks...check, emergency adult beverage (in case there’s unforeseen challenges or delays)...check. This is the text conversation we had about an hour after the train left the station:

PRINCE: Good thing I brought something to drink, I’m sitting next to a crying baby that might just fly off the train.

So I’m thinking, the Prince does seem to attract the crying babies when he travels. What was the name of that movie with Billy Crystal and Danny DeVito about? Throw Momma Off The Train? He won’t get that reference. What would a normal mother say?

MAYOR: Please don’t throw the baby off of the train.

PRINCE: Then I’m throwing mom off of the train. Isn’t that the name of a movie?

MAYOR: I almost said that last time I texted you! Didn’t think you would remember that. Obviously, you inherited your wit from me.

Hours go by....

MAYOR: Have you gotten any peace yet? Hopefully the baby fell asleep.

PRINCE: Death to crying babies.

MAYOR: At least it’s not YOUR baby.

Another hour.....

MAYOR: As a consolation all of your sheets and blankies have been laundered.

The Prince holding his first baby sister (8 hours old).

Don’t get upset about the dark humor. The Prince is the only male among my offspring and is second born. He’s lived with 4 younger sisters (he was 14 when his youngest sister was born).

It’s not hyperbole when I say he’s paid his dues when it comes to babies, babysitting, helping sisters with homework, checking out sister’s boyfriends, listening to all sorts of female travail. One day he will make a good husband and I think a good father. It’s not that he doesn’t like babies, he’s just had his fill of them.

Back in the day he was a great big brother and has met that challenge of satisfying a toddler on an airplane flight or road trip more than once. Suffice it to say that those 3 last babies used up every bit of his patience (and mine) so I am not surprised at his current aversion to babies.

I kind of like it even, I don’t have to worry that he’ll (or any of my first 4 children) will ever get caught up in some girl’s romantic notion of the magic of babies. Caring for a herd of young siblings and their noisy little friends was probably the best sex education/birth control lesson anyone could have etched in their memory.

The Prince trying to prove how much he doesn't like babies while holding Godson Liam.

The Prince failing to convince Godson Liam that he hates babies.