A New Kind Of Pain Relief

A revolutionary new program combining cutting edge medical therapy and american business ingenuity has been rolled out in south eastern Michigan. Many home owners are experiencing prolonged periods of depression, anxiety and suffering while their homes are on the market.Their reasons vary, but in states like Michigan much endurance is required to survive the home selling process. The actual closing is often unbearable, especially to those who have owned their homes less than 5 years.

To alleviate this situation a progressive Michigan broker has contracted with a local anesthesiology group to provide various levels of pain relief to his clients. “In our area so many hard working families who previously earned attractive salaries are being laid off. Selling their home in light of continuing unemployment or mandatory relocation is the only rational approach for many”. A prescription for a sleep aide often is needed as this point.

This is where the real discomfort for many begins. Due to current loss of home values in the majority of states finding a home buyer willing to offer what is owed on the home can be harrowing. Often selling your home means coming to the closing table with a check for the bank.

In light of the financial losses suffered by many Americans last fall the option of bringing money to the bank to SELL your home is often not an option. If there is a job loss in the picture the chance of having funds available can be pretty dismal.

According to the CDC, this syndrome is spreading at an accelerated rate in part due to the inept government stimulus package passed by our legislators. The only drug to treat that is a total amnesiac. This is similar to the drugs often given to our mothers in the 50's-60's that caused them to forget their chilbirth experiences.The draw back to a drug this powerful is that you may not remember crucial information like how many children you have. Unfortunately there is no medical treatment for the ineptness of our government leaders.

Often the only procedure to avoid foreclosure is to submit to the ”short sale“ process. This is an effective remedy but one that is not often easily achieved.This is where the help of pharmaceuticals can be employed to alleviate the process. Upon listing their homes the clients are offered several pain mitigating options as many metro Detroit homeowners simply cannot make it through the selling process “naturally”. Depending on the severity of their situation a medical evaluation is made and narcotic pain relievers may be deemed appropriate.

At the very least the on-call doctor will prescribe a mild anti-anxiety medication while the home is on the market. Once there’s a contract in process sellers are offered Valium to help them not blow a gasket when the inevitable battering comes from the buyers to offer more concessions from them.

If they make it to the closing table the doctor will then come to administer a short acting epidural so the sellers can sign the closing documents without screaming out in pain. There is an alternate treatment plan being discussed which combines the epidural with an amnesiac so the home sellers can forget the home they just sold for pennies on the dollar and the damage it's doing to their chances of a comfortable retirement.

This particular broker has set up a holding room where clients spend a few hours recovering from their epidurals. The lights are kept low and soothing music is played to calm down the sellers before being released to start pulling their lives back together.

Mr. Broker is encouraged, “since we began offering this service our listings have tripled. The clients still go home hurting, but at least we have done all we can to help them through the process and to move on with their lives.” Critics of the new program assert that there has not been any long term studies as to the effectiveness of this treatment program. Of course that can be said of every new cockamamy government program that has come down the pike this year. Instant gratification is all that seems to matter these days.

The success of this new program has encouraged Broker and Dr. Smith to expand their program services to neighbors of their current clients. They are often found to be suffering post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and from situational depression when they find out how the foreclosures and short sales on their block are adversely influencing the home values in the whole neighborhood.

Mr. Broker reports he is being besieged with calls from brokers in surrounding states for help setting up pain mitigating programs in their states. The only dark cloud is that a program like this may not fit in with the new proposed Obama health care reform plan.