Show Me What? & Other Random Thoughts

SHOW ME WHAT???

Call SCI, NCIS, Jack Bauer, Law & Order because I think we are onto a new method of identification of persons of interest, dead bodies, amnesia victims, you name it!

I got the first hint of it in some magazine articles this past year and even on an Oprah show. I’ve got teenage girls, so I’m all over this sexting phenomenon. The consequences which can quickly spiral out of control and land kids being stupid, as teens have been known to be, with a felony record.

I believe my girls have been sufficiently warned and threatened: don’t ever take pictures of your boobage, don’t let anyone else take pictures of you in a comprising state, and if anyone ever sends you a questionable picture delete it and don’t forward it.

But this is something all together different. I didn’t believe the buzz about it until I asked some of my single friends. It seems fellas like to use their cell phone to take pictures of themselves. Of a certain part of themselves, a very important part of themselves. No matter if you're talking to a Chris O"Donnel type or the fattest, homeliest guy in the room it is the source of his pride and joy.

Mayor: You have got to be kidding me?

Dating friend: No. Since I got back onto the dating scene I've noticed that guys just have a tendency to keep a picture of their penis on their cell phone.

Mayor: I think you’re hanging around with the wrong kind of people. What's next, business cards with contact information including a link to their identity pic?

Dating Friend: It’s more common than you would think. It’s kind of like a pop culture thing these days. I went to have a few drinks after work and met this young hot shot stockbroker. I flirted with him and the next thing you know he’s trying to show me a picture of  “Mr President“ on his cell phone.

Mayor: I’m so glad not to be single.

I'm going to store this info in the vault and retrieve it when I start thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

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PIMPING FOR WILLIAMS-SONOMA

My husband is a pimp for Williams-Sonoma. That is all there is to it. No matter how much we tighten the budgetary belt, he still cannot resist the lure of the famed kitchen store. I’ve been able to keep a lid on his tripping to the mall, so his opportunity to be tempted has been reduced. It helps that we are down to one car between the two of us, and since I feel it’s a fundamental right for me to have my car available at all times, he usually has no mode of transport.

He needed to go to the Apple Store (another big temptation trap for him) for some help from the geniuses at the bar there. He was gone a suspicious length of time. I was not surprised to hear the familiar sound of him wrestling in some shopping bags and they sounded like they were white with a big green W on them.

 I remained tucked in the living room with my laptop, not feeling up to a confrontation. Then I thought maybe I better get my head out of the sand before packaging was wrecked or return stickers obscured. I heard the girls snickering in the kitchen. Oh, you are going to be in so much trouble Dad. If you don’t get rid of that box Mom will just take it back.

The ladies at the Williams-Sonoma store know him pretty well, he loves to buy things for me there. Unfortunately they know me almost as well because they are used to me bringing back half of the stuff he buys. I’ve been accused of being cold hearted and ungrateful, but sometimes hard choices need to be made between paying for teeth cleaning and a multi purpose panini press.

Who knew, in Europe George Clooney hawks Nespresso?

Turns out after a few minutes of hard sell, I caved.  We had been having trouble with out coffee maker. A few years ago, we had bought several espresso makers and returned them all due to disatisfaction with the product. Although I’m still not convinced that this thing is saving me any money in the long run, I have to admit I like the convenience of making my lattes at home. The little pods are easy to use and best of all no mess.

Dad, I think she likes it. We can keep it

Disclaimer: The Nespresso machine stayed, but the cute little set of porcelain espresso & saucers went back for being ridiculously priced and impractical.
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SOMEONE'S TRYING TO BUTTER ME UP

My husband suggested I go relax, take a hot bath recently after I was complaining about snow shoveling and a sore shoulder. I drew in a deep breath to argue about how I needed to attend to a few urgent matters, then I clamped my lips shut and thought...why not?

As I climbed the stairs I felt a bit of a prickle on the back of my neck. Was that a good prickle or a bad one?

I entered a warm bathroom since the extra heater was plugged in already and there on top of the counter sat my MacBook Pro playing my Blip.fm playlist starting with my current favorite new song Carry Out by Timbaland and Timberlake, a freshly made decaf latte and a few books by Charlaine Harris of True Blood fame.

I know a set up when I see one.

Don't let the irony escape you that one of the things on my counter I'm listing as my favorites is a latte made in my own kitchen with the Nespresso machine I told my husband he shouldn't have bought.

Jack Is Back...And So Is My Premier Status

Jack is back with a vengeance and he’s brought Freddie Prince Jr with him. After a ho-hum season last year, this week’s 4 hour premier is reestablishing 24’s status as the show to watch.

Chloe, along with her signature eye rolling and geeky-sly ways, seems to be taking a more prominent roll. By the end of the 4th hour she managed to come from behind to raise her value in the eyes of her new boss who seemed to be on a roll to get rid of her during the first few episodes.

I’m not really a Kiefer Southerland fan (I’ve heard he’s a real jerk) but I am a Jack Bauer fan. This season he’s starting out all warm and fuzzy, babysitting his adorable little grand daughter and planning to move to LA to live near them. Of course those plans get waylaid in the first 30 minutes. Enter a Russian mob villain looking to do very bad things. They bring former FBI agent Renee back since she’s experienced going deep under cover in Russia. Ten minutes later we find out “we have to be careful to handle this by the books” Renee can now cut off a Russian guys thumb with a power saw without feeling a bit of moral ambiguity.

 

I know Jack wants to be retired but I think we need to get him to the Midwest to interrogate the Christmas Diaper bomber. Let’s get someone on this guy to find out what all we can expect to be facing here in the next year. Last season I made the mistake of getting all excited about Jack Being Back. So far I think I see a glimmer of hope for a bang up season.

Just as suddenly as Jack has reappeared, so it seems has my Gap Silver Status.

You might recall that last year during the big financial crisis I did what any sane person would do. I cut back on my spending and was rewarded by being downgraded from my premier shopping status.

The funny thing is I haven’t bought a single thing from the Gap all year. However between my clothing needs and that of 3 teenagers I have rung up necessities at Banana Republic and Old Navy...where I also use my Gap card. But they say I've earned my way back to a special status and as far as I can tell the only perk I would enjoy is free hemming ( a good thing because I am short).

Maybe my special status is supposed to make me feel special enough to be more shopative whenever I walk into the store?

Raymondo is doing his part to help the economy. Monthly flights to the west coast and several over to Sweden has helped burn up enough jet fuel to quickly reestablish his platinum status with the airlines. Now that makes him really happy since it does help him with the perks that help making traveling more palatable for my road warrior. That premium leg room seat, the occasional auto bump up to first class and the special security line assures him that he is indeed special.

Just ask George Clooney who portrays American Airlines king of the frequent fliers in the thought provoking movie Up In The Air. It was painful for those of us living in Michigan to watch this bittersweet story from the director of Juno, Jason Reitman. But the discomfort was balanced out by the touching mentor relationship that Clooney (reluctantly at first) develops with his young ambitious associate. Clooney nails his part as a well seasoned road warrior working the travel perks system for all that it is worth.

Of course all the perks in the world do not make us feel special enough to forget about the Christmas day bombing attempt on the very Northwest Airlines route my husband frequently travels from Amsterdam to Detroit. As with most frequent fliers he thinks the TSA is a joke and he sleeps with one eye open on his international flights. Well, he says he does but I have my doubts. He pretty much is sound asleep before the plane leaves the gate on a typical flight.

You can bet that I however, do not sleep on a flight. I’m like all hands on deck ready. I’ve pulled out my Tybo tapes and given myself a refresher on how to kick somebody’s ass if necessary.

As for my road warrior, I send him out confidently to go forage for money to pay our bills. Deals....make deals...close deals...stay safe while doing it.