SassTown

When there's a major kerfuffle in my family the first thing I call for is intelligence collection. I need data to assess the situation. Someone put a dent in the car? Who got caught smoking? Who was reported for making out on the football field? All of these are situations that need some serious attention. Would I cancel vacation because of any these incidents which have in fact have occurred (and way worse)? NO.

Like our Commander In Chief I like to collect all of the data, see who is to blame, what the details are and then apply the consequences in a manner that's appropriate to the degree of infraction that has occurred. Blame isn't always a key factor. Sometimes just reviewing the occurrence with all of our family members and deciding on what a better course of action would have been is sufficient.

You know, like when your child comes home with bad grades on her report card. And the teacher confirms she's not turning her homework in on time?

So I understand when, a few weeks after the attempted terrorist attack, President Obama is trying to play bad cop (and doing a woefully inept job at it) while he reviews a huge amount of intelligence data. Those pesky Jihadists. Can't they see our national tone has changed and we are trying to be nice to them? Gee willackers Beaver, how should we proceed?

First of all let's send them a clear message.

I need my chillin' time, even the real news agencies are up in my business

After all it is Christmas. Good ol' George ruled many a crisis from his Waco, Texas ranch.The President can work anywhere. Sufficient staff was "in position" in Washington to expedite any crisis that needed handling. Not to worry. We are talking about a well oiled machine.

"The system worked seamlessly"

The system maybe didn't work as well as it should have

 "I said there was NO SMOKING GUN !"

Meanwhile, the Hawaiian vacation continues for the Obamas.

Now I'm feelin' it, oh yeah

Michael Leitner, Director of National Security and Counter-terrorism heads to the slopes for some father-son bonding.

Hellooo? It was a failed terrorist attempt people.

In Monterey, CA contemplating a change in his not quite ready for prime time status , Leon Panneta, head of the CIA.

Finally,they may think I'm relevant after all

Back at the ranch, reality starts sinking in for John Brennan, Deputy National Security Advisor.

Craappp. I think I may be in charge of this hen house.

Earlier in the week the Prez was officially "back in the howse". The President admits someone screwed up and let the diaper bomber on the flight from Amsterdam to Detroit on Christmas day. This is a matter that I can certainly can relate well to. My husband, who is a road warrior, was out of town on 9/11 and now frequently flies the Amsterdam to Detroit route on Northwest Airlines.

Not to worry. Raymondo wasn't on the route that day. We were all safely ensconced in the Austin, Texas Marriott concierge lounge when I first heard about the terrorist attempt to blow up NW 253 from Amsterdam. Hearing the news I immediately did a mental inventory of the whole family (all present except the pastry chef daughter who was stuck in Chicago).

My anxiety grew that week as the day for our flight home approached after the incident. I was down right panicked about  how I was going to make it through the 3 hour flight home if I couldn't get into my purse for lip balm or mints, if I couldn't use my computer or at least read my Charlaine Harris novel the last hour of the flight. I'm easy to torment, just bore me to death for 15 minutes and I'll be suffering.

We got to the Austin airport way early in case there were any complications, but it was business as usual. I had decided to check our bags so we wouldn't have any extra hassle in security (just didn't know it was going to cost me $20 a pop). I made sure my 14 year old had packed her way more than travel sized acne clarifying lotion in the bags to be checked. We played the pick out the future terrorist game while we waited.

On the plane, the only hitch came when they announced that we were to prepare for our landing. One geeky dude got up and headed back to the restroom. We all watched him cautiously out of the sides of our eyes and held our breath. We civilians have to have eyes in the back of our heads these days. After a few suspenseful seconds the largest stewardess used her mass and power to command the wayward passenger to "GET BACK IN YOUR SEAT, SIR!" He submissively did as told.

Other passengers in other airports haven't fared so well this week and many of our airport weaknesses have been on the telly 24/7 for the whole world to see. President Obama has chalked up a lot of face time since he returned to DC impersonating a tough guy, threatening to hold the people who dropped the ball accountable.

Only, so far that has not seemed to happen. All the bungling bureaucrats involved are still on board the last I heard. It seems in another political A.D.D. moment, the chance to act swiftly has come and gone. Our leader has finally admitted we are at war yet seems to support the decision to try our most recent diaper bomb terrorist in criminal court (ala Kahlid Shiek Mohammad) instead of as an enemy combatant.

 

You can bet the TSA will have more authority to torment elderly people in their hover chairs along with families traveling with children and strollers. The race is on for more high tech equipment to detect trouble at the airports. Next will be the challenge to find money to pay for this technology.

Lord knows what will be the next thing we need to be searched for. Thankfully young Islamic radical men don't wear exploding tampons or no menstruating female would be allowed to fly. Maybe we should surrender all of our personal clothing and underwear to the TSA and don hospital gowns wear while we fly.

But that would be too cold. How about safe flight sweats, all fleecy and cozy. That however would be a sizing nightmare. Plus there would be a lot of, but orange is not my color complaints. It must be bed time cause I am getting punchy now. Before I turn in I'll leave you with this eerily predictive memory from the Democratic primary commercials. I'm sure you remember this woman and the famous 3 a.m. emergency phone call ad questioning her opponents ability to handle a crisis when it really counts:

I told you so.

 

 

A revolutionary new program combining cutting edge medical therapy and american business ingenuity has been rolled out in south eastern Michigan. Many home owners are experiencing prolonged periods of depression, anxiety and suffering while their homes are on the market.Their reasons vary, but in states like Michigan much endurance is required to survive the home selling process. The actual closing is often unbearable, especially to those who have owned their homes less than 5 years.

To alleviate this situation a progressive Michigan broker has contracted with a local anesthesiology group to provide various levels of pain relief to his clients. “In our area so many hard working families who previously earned attractive salaries are being laid off. Selling their home in light of continuing unemployment or mandatory relocation is the only rational approach for many”. A prescription for a sleep aide often is needed as this point.

This is where the real discomfort for many begins. Due to current loss of home values in the majority of states finding a home buyer willing to offer what is owed on the home can be harrowing. Often selling your home means coming to the closing table with a check for the bank.

In light of the financial losses suffered by many Americans last fall the option of bringing money to the bank to SELL your home is often not an option. If there is a job loss in the picture the chance of having funds available can be pretty dismal.

According to the CDC, this syndrome is spreading at an accelerated rate in part due to the inept government stimulus package passed by our legislators. The only drug to treat that is a total amnesiac. This is similar to the drugs often given to our mothers in the 50's-60's that caused them to forget their chilbirth experiences.The draw back to a drug this powerful is that you may not remember crucial information like how many children you have. Unfortunately there is no medical treatment for the ineptness of our government leaders.

Often the only procedure to avoid foreclosure is to submit to the ”short sale“ process. This is an effective remedy but one that is not often easily achieved.This is where the help of pharmaceuticals can be employed to alleviate the process. Upon listing their homes the clients are offered several pain mitigating options as many metro Detroit homeowners simply cannot make it through the selling process “naturally”. Depending on the severity of their situation a medical evaluation is made and narcotic pain relievers may be deemed appropriate.

 

At the very least the on-call doctor will prescribe a mild anti-anxiety medication while the home is on the market. Once there’s a contract in process sellers are offered Valium to help them not blow a gasket when the inevitable battering comes from the buyers to offer more concessions from them.

 

If they make it to the closing table the doctor will then come to administer a short acting epidural so the sellers can sign the closing documents without screaming out in pain. There is an alternate treatment plan being discussed which combines the epidural with an amnesiac so the home sellers can forget the home they just sold for pennies on the dollar and the damage it's doing to their chances of a comfortable retirement.

This particular broker has set up a holding room where clients spend a few hours recovering from their epidurals. The lights are kept low and soothing music is played to calm down the sellers before being released to start pulling their lives back together.

Mr. Broker is encouraged, “since we began offering this service our listings have tripled. The clients still go home hurting, but at least we have done all we can to help them through the process and to move on with their lives.” Critics of the new program assert that there has not been any long term studies as to the effectiveness of this treatment program. Of course that can be said of every new cockamamy government program that has come down the pike this year. Instant gratification is all that seems to matter these days.

The success of this new program has encouraged Broker and Dr. Smith to expand their program services to neighbors of their current clients. They are often found to be suffering post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and from situational depression when they find out how the foreclosures and short sales on their block are adversely influencing the home values in the whole neighborhood.

Mr. Broker reports he is being besieged with calls from brokers in surrounding states for help setting up pain mitigating programs in their states. The only dark cloud is that a program like this may not fit in with the new proposed Obama health care reform plan.