SassTown

SHOW ME WHAT???

Call SCI, NCIS, Jack Bauer, Law & Order because I think we are onto a new method of identification of persons of interest, dead bodies, amnesia victims, you name it!

I got the first hint of it in some magazine articles this past year and even on an Oprah show. I’ve got teenage girls, so I’m all over this sexting phenomenon. The consequences which can quickly spiral out of control and land kids being stupid, as teens have been known to be, with a felony record.

I believe my girls have been sufficiently warned and threatened: don’t ever take pictures of your boobage, don’t let anyone else take pictures of you in a comprising state, and if anyone ever sends you a questionable picture delete it and don’t forward it.

But this is something all together different. I didn’t believe the buzz about it until I asked some of my single friends. It seems fellas like to use their cell phone to take pictures of themselves. Of a certain part of themselves, a very important part of themselves. No matter if you're talking to a Chris O"Donnel type or the fattest, homeliest guy in the room it is the source of his pride and joy.

Mayor: You have got to be kidding me?

Dating friend: No. Since I got back onto the dating scene I've noticed that guys just have a tendency to keep a picture of their penis on their cell phone.

Mayor: I think you’re hanging around with the wrong kind of people. What's next, business cards with contact information including a link to their identity pic?

Dating Friend: It’s more common than you would think. It’s kind of like a pop culture thing these days. I went to have a few drinks after work and met this young hot shot stockbroker. I flirted with him and the next thing you know he’s trying to show me a picture of  “Mr President“ on his cell phone.

Mayor: I’m so glad not to be single.

I'm going to store this info in the vault and retrieve it when I start thinking the grass is greener on the other side.

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PIMPING FOR WILLIAMS-SONOMA

My husband is a pimp for Williams-Sonoma. That is all there is to it. No matter how much we tighten the budgetary belt, he still cannot resist the lure of the famed kitchen store. I’ve been able to keep a lid on his tripping to the mall, so his opportunity to be tempted has been reduced. It helps that we are down to one car between the two of us, and since I feel it’s a fundamental right for me to have my car available at all times, he usually has no mode of transport.

He needed to go to the Apple Store (another big temptation trap for him) for some help from the geniuses at the bar there. He was gone a suspicious length of time. I was not surprised to hear the familiar sound of him wrestling in some shopping bags and they sounded like they were white with a big green W on them.

 I remained tucked in the living room with my laptop, not feeling up to a confrontation. Then I thought maybe I better get my head out of the sand before packaging was wrecked or return stickers obscured. I heard the girls snickering in the kitchen. Oh, you are going to be in so much trouble Dad. If you don’t get rid of that box Mom will just take it back.

The ladies at the Williams-Sonoma store know him pretty well, he loves to buy things for me there. Unfortunately they know me almost as well because they are used to me bringing back half of the stuff he buys. I’ve been accused of being cold hearted and ungrateful, but sometimes hard choices need to be made between paying for teeth cleaning and a multi purpose panini press.

Who knew, in Europe George Clooney hawks Nespresso?

Turns out after a few minutes of hard sell, I caved.  We had been having trouble with out coffee maker. A few years ago, we had bought several espresso makers and returned them all due to disatisfaction with the product. Although I’m still not convinced that this thing is saving me any money in the long run, I have to admit I like the convenience of making my lattes at home. The little pods are easy to use and best of all no mess.

Dad, I think she likes it. We can keep it

Disclaimer: The Nespresso machine stayed, but the cute little set of porcelain espresso & saucers went back for being ridiculously priced and impractical.
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SOMEONE'S TRYING TO BUTTER ME UP

My husband suggested I go relax, take a hot bath recently after I was complaining about snow shoveling and a sore shoulder. I drew in a deep breath to argue about how I needed to attend to a few urgent matters, then I clamped my lips shut and thought...why not?

As I climbed the stairs I felt a bit of a prickle on the back of my neck. Was that a good prickle or a bad one?

I entered a warm bathroom since the extra heater was plugged in already and there on top of the counter sat my MacBook Pro playing my Blip.fm playlist starting with my current favorite new song Carry Out by Timbaland and Timberlake, a freshly made decaf latte and a few books by Charlaine Harris of True Blood fame.

I know a set up when I see one.

Don't let the irony escape you that one of the things on my counter I'm listing as my favorites is a latte made in my own kitchen with the Nespresso machine I told my husband he shouldn't have bought.